The Michaëlle Jean Theatre of the Absurd

Canadians are all too familiar with the political correctness plot lines. Haven't we already seen the one about the (1) visible minority (2) immigrant (3) woman married to a liability who rises to the Governor Generalship? That story featured Adrienne Clarkson and her husband condescending to spend large sums of taxpayers' money. This summer's story is not exactly a re-run because it does feature two new politically correct (PC) story lines: Michaëlle Jean is a francophone from Québec. Clearly, the brain trust in the Prime Minister's Office could not resist a "Buy One, Get Five Free" political correctness summer sale.

The politically correct PMO reflects PC Canadians. Too many of our compatriots just couldn't resist the bait thrown out by our clever separatist friends at "Le Québecois". Faced with allegations that our new GG partied with FLQ murderers and interior designers, Albertans we know practically screamed for McCarthyite loyalty tests, the reinstatement of guilt by association, and the end to the secret ballot.

This is not the Canadian way. We must remember that we have little to fear but fear-mongering itself. Remember the gnashing of teeth that accompanied the election of Gilles Duceppe, separatist Leader of Her Majesty's Loyal Opposition? Well, we survived and prospered during that time and Duceppe turned out to be far more competent guest star than Stephen Harper, a wooden actor who just can't connect with his audience.

Political Bumbling

As for political bumbling, Canadians began to discern a glimmer of political competence breaking out in PMO through a series of surprise episodes earlier this year`: the budget deal with Jack "Slick" Layton, the takeover of Belinda "The Price is Right" Stronach, and the historic budget vote decided by Peter "Milking It" Milliken. However, the mess in handling the Jean fallout reminds us of the directionless bumbling that permeates the script of Martin's prime ministership.

PMO argues that the vigor of the separatist smear campaign aimed at Jean is a good sign that this appointment hurts. In fairness, the PM's appointment does take a well-aimed shot at the separatists' political Achilles heel: Montréal's multicultural communities won't buy ethnic nationalism. It is also true that the federal Liberals are Canada's natural governing party because they suck into the middle ground of Canadian politics all who are near. They've stolen the federal Conservatives' best policies for years and poach key Tories at critical moments. By swallowing two separatist fellow travelers into the Liberal patronage maw, Martin highlights the separatists' current weakness. The appointment highlights their fundamental, long term weakness too: so long as the separatists define "francophone" as an ethnic term, they will fail.

However, the appointment also leaves a lot of unanswered questions. Has Martin forgotten the lessons Prime Minister Mulroney learby sucking up to separatists and creating the single greatest threat to the federation, one Lucien Bouchard? Weren't there any other PC appointees from Québec who were untainted by FLQ terrorists, yet could appeal to soft nationalists? Did Jean Lapierre, the former separatist and current Minister of Transport, tell Martin this appointment was a good idea? Where was Lapierre in handling the fallout from the appointment? Why has the star struck Martin become the patsy in this story? The PMO script writers have just left too many questions unanswered to avoid a repeat of the old political bumbling story.

An Absurd Office

Last, and least, is the matter of the absurdity of the Governor Generalship itself. The whole Jean story needs to be put into perspective: it's really about a patronage appointment to a ridiculous post. Generally, the Governor General must do what the Prime Minister tells her to do. For that, she earns $113,400 per year tax free, spends a $19 million budget, and resides in luxury.

The Governor General's main job, beyond doing what she's told, is to represent the Queen. Most Canadians, unlike Uni.ca, seem to accept the fact that the Queen is our Head of State, but is not even a Canadian citizen. We sympathize with those who say that the GG's French citizenship is a terrible thing in a symbolic office, especially since France has undermined Canadian unity and supported separatism since well before that ponce De Gaulle lost Algeria. On the other hand, at least our new GG, unlike the Queen, holds Canadian citizenship.

Turning from an absurd office to a real one, as humble as it may be, we should point out that Uni.ca recently elected a new President, Philippe Paquette. He clinched his election by breaching ballot secrecy at our August AGM and admitting that he once voted for sovereignty-association. The attitude of the assembled multitudes seemed to be "Who cares? Philippe's done a lot of good things for Canada, and we feel he'll get the President's job done and done well."

We suggest that Canadians treat the Jean appointment in the same way that we are treating our new Uni.ca President. Sure, he once supported sovereignty-association, but he has grown since those days, and is now prepared to take on our Presidency, with all the perils and perks of high office. We will judge him by how he's doing his job, not by whom he partied with in his younger days, or how he voted in a referendum years ago.